


Welcome to the Neighborhood

by BornOnAFridayIn91



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 11:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17724326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornOnAFridayIn91/pseuds/BornOnAFridayIn91
Summary: It wasn't hard to notice when strange and secretive neighbors move in.





	1. Janice

Janice Sanderson considered herself a good neighbor. She baked cookies for the neighborhood, her hubby Hank kept the yards clean and tidy and noise levels low. Janice never allowed her boys to shoot off fireworks unless it was the Fourth of July between the hours of 7 and 8:30. She was mindful of their German Shepard, Moe and didn’t let him roam free throughout the neighborhood.

Janice took pride in her home and her boys (which included Hank). She was a stay at home mom to five boys who ranged in age from six to fifteen and homeschooled them all. Between that and biweekly church services, she was a busy momma, but she still had time to keep her eye on things.

One Saturday morning, a moving van followed by a black town car, a grey SUV and one last town car pulled into the neighborhood as she made her morning coffee. Well, her day just filled up, between Isiah coming down with the measles and her essential oils party that night, now this, she’d be up to her eyeballs in things she needed to do! The moving van pulled up to the side of the grey three-story craftsmen at the end of the street (she always thought that house was ugly. No wonder it took so long to sell). The SUV pulled into the driveway, one town car pulled up behind the moving van but left a gap between them for driveway access. The second town car drove around the cul-de-sac and parked at the end of the street, opposite side. No one got out of the town cars, almost like they were protecting the new homeowners.

Was the President moving in down the street?! Wouldn’t that just be a treat?!

Her phone rang. That was Mary-Alice calling for their weekly gab sessions. Janice didn’t want to stop watching the scene going on down the street, but Mary-Alice’s daughter started listening to this unholy band fronted by a man dressed as a cardinal with mismatching eyes that totally and completely appropriated religious iconography in the name of Satan! She had to be saved before it was too late!

Around noon and one ticket to a ‘boarding school’ later, Janice checked on the house down the street. The moving truck was half empty and the town cars still in there respectively places, engines running. Janice didn’t think of what she was doing as snooping, rather just being a vigilant American looking for any unsavory types. She decided it was time to introduce herself and baked a fresh batch of cookies and homemade lemon aide. She’d save a whole family introduction when the new neighbors had settled and Isiah was better.

Luckily, the husband was unloading the SUV when she came up, making him easy to distinguish from the movers.

“Hello there!” Janice chirped happily, trying to get his attention. He pulled himself from deep in the car, trying to reach the other side without actually walking all that way.

She was able to get a good look at her new neighbor for the first time. She was surprised to see that he was blue, blue all over. Well, stranger things were happening; there was a teenage girl fighting crime in the next city over! The scar under his eye and long black hair pulled into a ponytail were unsightly in her eyes, but he was dressed nice enough, had a nice car and bought this (ugly) house in her neighborhood so he couldn’t be that bad.

“I’m Janice Sanderson from down the street, house 3782,”

“Oh, uh, hello. I’m Dr. Drew Lipsky.” He replied, cordially. He preferred his ‘alter ego’ Dr. Drakken, who for the last twenty years sought to take over the world. Nowadays, he was more interested in getting his wife Shego to stop teasing him and building things.

Ever since the Lowardian incident, Global Justice secured Drakken and Shego with a cushy job with the government defense contract. Drakken could build anything he wanted, experiment on anything he wanted as long as the government could use it. Did he wake up one morning and decide he wanted to make a new nerve agent worse than novichok then the next day build a truth discerning AI that could fit in the palm of your hand, then the day after that build his own working lightsaber? He totally could. Shego? Well, she still got paid to punch people, so she was happy.

“Oh, a doctor, bet you’ll come in handy around the neighborhood.”

Drakken waved his hand dismissively, “I’m not that kind of doctor.”

Janice watched as a young, very pale, almost green tinted woman bounded with energy from the house and back into the van to grab more things. She had to restrain herself from gawking at the woman, at how immodestly she was dressed! She was dressed in a green tank top, frayed, black denim shorts that did not come to her knees, but mid-thigh and dirty black converse. Her thick, raven colored hair was pulled into a tight and high ponytail. Well, she certainly would not her boys around her unsupervised!

“Is that your…daughter?”

Drakken spurted. Shego was only ten years his junior! Was this old bat blind? Did he look that old?

“I’m his wife,” She corrected, walking gracefully down the ramp with heavy looking side table in her hands that she carried with ease.

“That’s my wife, Stephanie,” Drakken added.

Eager to change the subject, Janice asked, “So what do you do for a living?”

“I’m uh,” Drakken stumbled for a moment. How did he describe what he did without blowing his cover? “a government contractor.” It had a grain of truth, so it was easy to remember but vague enough to keep any secrets just that, secret.

“That’s fascinating! Stephanie, what about you?”

She draped herself over her husband, “I’m his…secretary.” She gave a small laugh as though only she and Drakken were in on the joke. Truthfully, she was head of security. Had been for years, now it was only official.

“Oh, well, that’s nice. Welcome to the neighborhood! I’ll let you get back to work!” Janice bid a hasty a goodbye and handed them their treats.

That couple went too against the grain for her taste. Why can’t everyone just be normal?


	2. Juliet

Juliet Lowe lived across the street from the Lipsky’s and the Sanderson’s. As a veterinarian, she was utterly devoted to animals, especially her Golden Retriever, Charlie. Hank Sanderson tended to call her a ‘tree huggin’, animal-lovin’ commie,’ despite exchanging a minimum of words with her, usually when his own dog, Moe got out. Juliet tried to explain to him that he needed a better fence to contain Moe and that playing with him would tire him out so he wouldn’t want to chew on the fence or run around the neighborhood. Juliet was always met with rude comments and an eye roll.

She noticed the commotion from the new neighbors only mutely. It was reduced price spay and neuter week at her office and she was uncomfortably deep in animal genitalia. Charlie had been a good, patient boy during the week and had earned an extra-long walk that day.

Commodore Puddles was a king in his own mind. He merely tolerated the human man who doted on him and begrudgingly only listened to the loud, yelling woman that never seemed to leave anymore. Normally, if he was displeased, he’d attack, but he knew better than to mess with her. That didn’t mean he didn’t act out. They didn’t call him Puddles for nothing…

Puddles did like his new home with the weird and annoying humans. He liked sitting in the window seat and watching the world go by. It had only been a week and the mail carrier was already terrified of the pink poodle. It was his house and his house only!

He was jarred awake when Shego bounded down the stairs loudly, waking him up. He had half a mind to rip into her ankle and leave a present in her purse. Shego had just popped outside to get the mail, leaving the door open. Puddles got up and stretched, deciding if he marked his territory better, the mail carrier wouldn’t bother him.

Both Shego and Juliet walked out of their homes at the same time. Charlie instantly saw the poodle and thought ‘new dog! New friend!’ Puddles saw the Golden Retriever and instantly thought that another being was intruding on his territory. Both dogs ran towards each other each with drastically different goals in mind.

“Puddles!” Shego yelled in annoyance and chased after him.

“Charlie!” Juliet exclaimed, running after her dog.

Shego grabbed Puddles under his front legs as soon as he was in reach. Juliet pulled Charlie back by his harness.

“Sorry about him,” Juliet said, “Charlie is too friendly for his own good,”

“Don’t worry about it. Puddles’ has a superiority complex and has to defeat anything in his way.” Shego was annoyed that Puddles made her socialize but decided to play nice anyway. If she wanted her new home to be relaxing and drama free, she’d have to.

“I’m Juliet, by the way,” She said, offering her hand. “This is Charlie.”

“Stephanie Lipsky,” Shego replied, taking her hand. “That’s Commodore Puddles. I know, stupid name. My husband named him.”

Juliet noticed Shego’s strong handshake.

The dogs at their feet were smelling each other. Charlie caught on that Puddles was not a friendly dog. He gave a small whine and laid down behind Juliet. Puddles raised his chin and sat at Shego’s feet.

“I’ve never seen a pink poodle before,” Juliet remarked.

“Yeah, my mother-in-law likes to dye him with beet juice? I dunno, I stopped questioning her a looong time ago.” Shego answered.

“So, what do you do, Stephanie?”

“Oh, I work with my husband.” She replied casually, hoping that Juliet wouldn’t pry further.

Unbeknownst to Juliet and Shego, Janice was watching them from behind her flouncy lace curtains. “There’s something not quite right about those new neighbors.” She said to Hank.

“The husband is a bit of dweeb, wouldn’t worry ‘bout him too much,” He replied. “The wife is the one to worry about.”

“Well, let me catch you up on the social strata of the neighborhood. There are the Sanderson’s” Juliet said nodding to their house. “Janice is as nosy and judgmental as can be. Hank is a loudmouth conservative who thinks anyone who disagrees with him ‘needs to go back where they came from’. There was a lovely Cherokee couple who lived next door to me a few years ago and Hank loved to blow smoke from his truck. Well, they had a little boy who had asthma and they practically begged Hank to stop but he wouldn’t,” Juliet grimaced and shook her head, “he started doing it out of spite because ‘it’s mah right as an merican,’ she said gruffly, imitating Hank’s voice.

“What a dick,” Shego replied. Shego herself never claimed to be a saint (or want to be one) but that was just asinine.

“Janice is an antivaxxer, so if you have kids, keep them away from her brood. She also believes pseudoscience and that essential oils cure everything or whatever direct sales company she’s repping for this month.”

Charlie looked forlornly at Puddle’s scowling face. Why didn’t this new dog want to be friends?

“Let’s see,” Juliet said, turning to the next house, “Your right-side neighbor is Teresa. She’s not a bad neighbor, but she loves drama. She’s always complaining about something on the neighborhood Facebook group. “Wahhh, my exes are terrible, men: please treat your ladies better! Oh, woe is me, everyone I know is toxic, blah blah blah.’ I mean, if you’re having that much trouble in all your relationships, romantic or otherwise, maybe you’re the problem?”

“Luckily, you have an awesome left side neighbor, Hazel. Everyone calls her Miss Hazel. She’s in her seventies and is as sweet as can be but doesn’t take crap from anyone. She dressed down Janice and Hank last week for letting their hooligans run rampant. She was a paratrooper in the ’60s and is a tough old gal. Her husband, Liam, passed away last year, so our other neighbor’s, Michael and Steven and I check up on her frequently. If she loves you, she’ll bake for you and it is divine. If you get to know anyone in this neighborhood, it’s her.”

Puddles was getting bored and it was almost dinner time! He pawed at Shego’s leg.

“Puddles!” She warned, quickly turning her attention back to Juliet. She learned long ago if someone gave you valuable information, you listened. Never one to give trust easily, she needed to know who keep an eye on.

Puddles groaned and decided to chew on his own leg.

Juliet turned, pointing to another house, “That’s Michael and Steven. They’re great, you shouldn’t have any problems with them. That’s me next to them. I have a nine-year-old daughter named Nikki. Get ready, she’s a Girl Scout and cookie season is coming up.”

“Don’t tell my husband that. He’ll clean her stock out and fall into a food coma.” Shego replied.

Juliet winced playfully, “Yeah, I’m kinda teaching my daughter to be a bad bitch and to drive a hard bargain and not be a pushover in general. If she smells weakness, she’ll take advantage. So, if she gets him to, I’m not going to stop her.”

The two laughed.

“And my other neighbor is a guy named George. I have never seen him in my entire life living here. He never comes out. The most you’ll ever see of him is lights on in house. Nothing else, he has his groceries delivered and company do lawn and exterior home maintenance. He’s in the Facebook group but never posts or comments,” Juliet shrugged, “I only know someone named George lives there because of Hazel. So, I dunno what’s his deal.”

Shego could tell that she was being watched. It was a given that Janice was watching her. Maybe it was her own instincts or the powers the comet gave her, Shego tell someone who was keenly aware of her presence in the neighborhood was watching her. She played it cool, not wanting to tip off her onlooker.

George Vaughn thought that the new neighbors looked familiar…


	3. The Baby Shower

Shego was nearing the end of her pregnancy when she finally conceded to having a baby shower thrown for her.

She still felt self-conscious and uncomfortable about being pregnant. She never really wanted kids or imagined she would have kids until things got serious with Drakken. Shego felt like pregnancy wasn’t in her nature, but there she was, seven and a half months pregnant with a baby girl to be named Rhea.

Just as uncomfortable as she was mentally, she was physically. Shego wasn’t sure she could go through this again. Just because she didn’t have a period didn’t mean she didn’t bleed from somewhere else! More than once she had to deal with a nose bleed and even her gums bled at one point! She was still nauseous and always hot. She felt as big as a house. She hated it! She hated being pregnant! If anyone thought she was caustic before…

Her work life may be the only thing that was faring well in her eyes. Just around her third month, Shego was granted maternity leave. Her job was too dangerous for a pregnant woman. Thus, she went back to her old stomping grounds, substitute teaching. And okay, maybe this time around she enjoyed the littler kids more than the older.

Shego often caught herself wondering about the child growing inside her when substituting for the lower grades. She liked the way one student had her hair done and would have to remember it for Rhea. She wondered if Rhea would be the bubbly little girl with bright eyes or the quiet reader with a thirst for words. Inevitably, she would run into trouble makers whose parents let them get away with far too much and say to herself Rhea will not be like that.

Jill and Savannah, her longest friends, constantly pestered Shego about letting one of them throw her a baby shower. Shego never saw the point of a shower. Rhea had everything she needed already, and everyone (that Shego wanted) would be at the hospital when she was born. A shower felt like she was showing off she was pregnant and felt greedy to her.

Then, her own mother took things into her hands. Shego literally received an invitation to her own baby shower in the mail.

It wasn’t that Shego was estranged from her mother like she was her father. On the contrary, they spoke daily, and she had an amazing relationship with her mother. Her mother, Kate, simply knew her daughter well enough to know that if there was to be a shower, she’d have to take it into her own hands. With the help of Jill, Savannah and her son-in-law, the shower was planned behind Shego’s back. The only thing Shego did for the shower was to make a post on the neighborhood Facebook group to warn everyone that the neighborhood may be a bit crowded car-wise but that she would make sure it wouldn’t be an issue. Yeah, she may be a former villain, but she hated it when people were inconsiderate.

Shego sighed and admitted defeat. Apparently, Drew wanted to throw one and Rhea was just as much his as she was hers and Shego couldn’t deny him anything.

The guest list was short. Just the parents to be, Jill, Savannah, Kate and Drakken’s mother, Miriam. Shego’s brothers were invited, but none wanted to risk getting their heads bitten off by their hormonal sister for not using a coaster.

Kate also knew her daughter well enough to know that Shego would be unlikely to participate in any games or activities that weren’t Cards Against Humanity or something just as politically incorrect. She herself conceded, planning a simple dinner and gifts party, though she was willing to bet she could get Drew to bob for pacifiers.

Shego did allow decorations which matched the theme of Rhea’s nursery; Starry Night by Van Gogh. Her room was painted deep blue with gold stars and glitter in the paint and fairy lights. The motif spread out into the living room with blue and gold crepe paper and streamers.

Kate did make her daughter wear a plastic tiara and sash for the party which Shego only put up a minor fuss about. She bribed Stephanie with the promise of a full month of early morning childcare for Rhea’s first month of life in Stephanie wore them.

Just as dessert was about to be served, there was a knock at the door. Drakken and Shego stood to answer the door, with Kate behind them. Shego peaked out a nearby window and sighed.

“Who’s that?” Kate asked.

Shego groaned, “Our annoying neighbor, Janice. She tries to get us to go to church with her, like, every Sunday.”

“I’ll take care of her,” Drakken said, his napkin still tucked into his collar before he opened the door.

“Hello, Janice. We’re in the middle of our baby shower. Can we do this later?” He asked, eager to get back to the table a second helping. He noticed Jill eying the last dinner roll and she noticed that he noticed.

“Oh, it won’t take long,” Janice said as the party gathered behind the once evil doctor and sidekick. “I saw your post on the Facebook and thought I should bring over my homemade lemon squares!” Janice beamed. Drakken wasted no time in grabbing one for each hand and chomping down, “I make them with Youthful Essential Oil’s lemon oil!”

Drakken grimaced once the taste got to him, “Tastes like perfume. Why not use the actual lemon?”

Janice’s face deflated, she clearly never thought of that.

Drakken kept eating, “Yeah, these are terrible.” He started smacking like a toothless duck and grimacing at the taste but continued taking bites. “They taste like my grandma’s perfume.”

Savannah took a tiny piece and gagged, “It tastes like literal bile!” She said with her hand over her mouth.

Mama Lipsky shoved herself between her son and Shego. “Ya gotta get lemons from the orchard off highway 51.”

“Well, I don’t know what is sprayed all of those lemons. Pesticides and such.” Janice argued, holding her dish of perfumy lemon squares protectively.

“That’s Old Man Jenkin’s orchard. Everyone knows he’s been using natural stuff to get rid of pests since forever.” Jill said peaking from the back. “Like ladybugs and whatnot.”

“Who knows what’s in that bottle,” Shego said, “Essential oils are not regulated by the FDA. They can put anything in there. They aren’t even cleared to go on your skin, let alone in your mouth.”

Shego looked to Drakken, starting on his third piece. She shrugged, he was a lost cause anyway.

“Well, I guess it’s an acquired taste. Stephanie, I would love to host a pox party for your little one, my Jeremiah still needs to get the virus!” She said excitedly, “Oh I have so much to share you with you about those nasty vaccines!”

“You don’t vaccinate!?” Shego yelled. In fear of catching anything that could harm Rhea, she covered her mouth and nose in precaution. She hid behind her husband as a human shield. At this point, looking idiotic in a plastic tiara and sash were the least of Shego’s worries.

“I remember getting the smallpox vaccine in 1967 when I was a little girl. I still have the scar!” Mama Lipsky said proudly. “Have you ever seen someone with smallpox? It’s not a pretty sight.” She chided Janice.

Janice began to stumble over her words, trying to preach her message. “The science just isn’t there.”

“My husband is a scientist!” Shego screeched, her free fist clenched, still covering her mouth and nose.

“Yeah, vaccines have proven their merit, like, a million times over by now. Anyone who says otherwise is falling for pseudoscience and dribble.” Drakken said as he began to pull apart an oily lemon square in his hand, “Can I use this as cologne?” He asked Janice seriously.

“Lady, what do you do for a living?” Jill asked, her hands on her hips, “Where’s your degree?”

“Okay, that’s enough of this,” Kate said, wrangling everyone back inside.

Shego broke away from her mother’s guiding arm, “I don’t want you or any of your little toxic cretins around my family!” She hollered, “I will call the CDC to tent your ugly ass house of biological horrors!”

Drakken quickly scooped his wife up and closed the door.

“Steph, what did I tell you about antagonizing the neighbors? This was supposed to be a fresh start!” Drakken whined.

“Oh yeah, I’m antagonizing. Don’t come crying to me if Rhea is born with toes on her forehead because of those idiots!”

“Well, you did say that your neighbor Michael’s shoes were last season,” Savannah said, deliberately riling her friend up.

“Well, they were ugly!”

“Let’s have cake and ice cream!” Kate announced, trying to break up the tension.

The ruckus died down with the addition of dessert and the party resumed.

Drakken and Shego were cuddled on the couch, his arms around her as she leaned on him and her legs kicked up on the cushions. Everyone was in a deep discussion about what kind of parents they’d be as the couple laughed and enjoyed the company.

“Steph’s totally gonna be one of the tiger moms, but not like the crazy strict kind.” Jill said, adamantly, “the kind that goes Hulk if someone bothers their kids.” Still holding her plate of cake and chocolate ice cream, she flexed her arms and frowned deeply, her voice growling, “You hurt my kids! I hurt you! Roar!”

Shego laughed and rolled her eyes, playing the ends of her hair.

“Well, my Drewbie will be an excellent father!” Mama Lipsky smiled.

Then, there was another knock at the door.

Shego’s hands instantly flared green, “If that Karen Hun Bot is back you’ll have to squeegee her off the sidewalk after I’m done with her!” She yelled, standing up as fast as she could (which wasn’t really that fast anymore) and waddling to the door.

She threw open the door about to yell, “WHA -oh.”

On the doorstep stood more neighbors, Juliet with the elderly Miss Hazel on her arm, a small quilt slung over Juliet’s free arm.

“Janice get to ya first?” Juliet teased.

“You have no idea. C’mon in. Want some cake and ice cream?” Shego asked.

Of all the neighbors, Shego liked Juliet and Miss Hazel the best. Both were independent who didn’t take shit from anyone. Miss Hazel was wise and friendly and Shego could bitch about others with Juliet.

“No thank you, dear.” Hazel said, “We just popped over to give our congratulations and our presents.”

Juliet took a cookie that Mama Lipsky made as everyone sat back down.

“I hope this works with your color scheme,” Hazel said, offering the quilt to Shego.

“That’s why you asked me about the colors!” Drakken said in sudden understanding, snapping his fingers.

Hazel grinned and nodded.

The quilt was the size for a baby and simple with wisteria blossoms on the corners. “Is this for us?” Shego asked, hoping she was not misunderstanding and making herself look like a greedy fool.

“Indeed, it is.” Hazel answered, “I’ve been watching the wisteria you planted. I’m glad they’ve taken off so well.”

“It’s my favorite flower,” Shego was genuinely appreciative. “You really didn’t have to go through all the trouble…” She had only spoken to Hazel a few times. It was mostly Drew who knew her as he helped install her video doorbell, remote controlled and adaptive technologies that would help her remain independent. It was a win-win for him; he got to tinker and was paid in baked goods.

“It’s no trouble, darling,” Hazel said with a dismissive wave of her age gnarled hand. “It gave me something to do with my time. Every baby needs a handmade blanket.”

Juliet herself gifted several boxes of diapers and burp rags as well as a few new toys and treats for Commodore Puddles so he wouldn’t feel left out and act up.

The night ended with Shego realizing that neighborhoods and baby showers weren’t that bad.


End file.
